This is something real...

This is something real.

I am horrible with directions. I can live in a town or a city, and never learn the proper names for highways or streets that I drive on every day. I used to think that this was just because I have no sense of direction, but the truth is that I am not a very observant person.

Lately I have gotten quite a few rejection letters for graduate school. It's not an easy thing for me to admit. My whole life I have always believed that I was smart and that if I work hard enough, I'll get what I want... but that's not true. Some things are not meant to be. I do not necessarily think that is applicable to graduate school, but it might be the final answer on the subject... right now. For someone like me, that answer is pretty hard to swallow. I thought that graduate school was what I wanted, but I haven't really pursued the idea of it much in prayer or thought since I submitted the damn applications. I still hate the rejection. A good friend told me recently, "Do I need to remind you that you are ALREADY in graduate school?"

I guess she did.

I hadn't really stopped to be mindful about the fact that I've already been offered quite a few incredible opportunities. I was lucky enough to get offered a graduate degree (for free, no less), a great job (that I try really hard to do well), great friends. My life is pretty great, graduate school or no graduate school. I had lunch with a friend from high school last summer. I hadn't seen him in nine years, but he paid me the nicest compliment that I have ever recieved. He told me, "Jackie, you have a great gift. You have the ability to make people feel like no time has passed in the friendship. I haven't seen you in years, and I still feel like I can tell you anything. I've told you more about my life than some of the people I've seen every day for the past nine years."

I have heard that before, but at that moment it stuck with me. I realized that maybe that's why I love what I do and why I work with kids. I do believe that it is a blessing to be able to make people feel like you are a safe place to visit. My students walk in my room and every day, every class period, we laugh. They have a very cooky English teacher that tells them anecdotes to get them to remember things, that has call and responses like "Hillshire Farms: Go Meat!", and who tries very hard... even though I make mistakes.

I love my job. At a time when teachers feel as though they are underappreciated, understaffed, and overworked, I find joy in what I do. I look forward to working with my students and I love teaching English. I overheard a student I taught last year helping another student with some dual credit homework the other day in the counselor's office. He was helping him with an essay over The Things They Carried, a novel we read last year. The other child who was not a former student of mine asked him, "How do you know any of this?" My former student replied, "I had Ms. Son last year. She had us read it... it was actually my favorite book we read last year. I hate to admit it, but I really liked English last year."

These moments are pretty special to me. I have all of these big plans, but in the end, maybe my purpose is to make a difference with the kids I interact with every day at this level. Maybe that will be in a special library, or a classroom, or with my own kids that I hope to have someday. I want a lot of big things. Some of those dreams are going to come true and some aren't, but until I try I'll never know. I guess it's not so bad to try, to take a leap of faith. I did that with my job in Rockport. I didn't know anyone, but I moved here and I built a life and a relationship with the friends and students that have crossed my path. I can never really be sure that it has made any difference at all in their lives, but it has made all the difference in mine.

I do get lost a lot. I don't always notice the signs in life or when I am driving, but my mom always tells me, "Sometimes when you are lost, it is best to stay right where you are."

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21